I Think
by WriteChristineR
Summary: Lorelai's thoughts on an impending relationship.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. No kidding.

A/N: Let's get this straight right off the bat. I am a Java Junkie. I have always been a Java Junkie. I will always be a Java Junkie. I have no allegiances to any of Lorelai's past non-Luke boyfriends. I just had to write this for my own reasons. The time period is generally neglected, and I had this idea and decided to go with it. So be nice. It's sort of an internal monologue/character study. You'll see. Reviews are nice. The pretty purple button at the bottom of the screen gets lonely if people don't click it. And nobody likes a lonely button. Thanks for reading!

I Think

I cannot believe this is happening. Of course, of all people, it would happen to me.

I really shouldn't be freaking myself out over this. Well, in one vein, I should be. He's Rory's teacher. I've never wanted my dating life to come anywhere near her life, especially her life at Chilton. She just started there. She's not even settled in yet. The last thing I want to do is date her teacher. How awkward that would be for her. How awkward that would be for me.

In another vein, I really like him. He's a nice guy, he's cute, with regard to both appearance and personality, and we have things in common. He knows about Rory, and he's not turned off by her existence. In fact, he knows Rory, and she likes him. He seems to like her, too, although that might be an act. He knows I wouldn't date him if he openly disliked my daughter. He's not stupid. And that's another thing: he's smart. How long has it been since I dated a smart guy? Really, how long has it been since I dated? Too long. I'm ready to get back into that world. I need to get back into that world. I have other things going on what with the inn and with Rory, but I don't want to die a crazy cat lady. I'm not even a cat person. I don't want to die alone.

But why does it have to be him? Couldn't I like someone that, I don't know, isn't my daughter's teacher? Couldn't someone else in some other profession be as attractive to me as he is? Couldn't I be as attractive as I apparently am to him to a guy in some other profession?

He's so perfect, though. Everything about him is adorable. His hair, his face, the way he speaks, his knowledge of obscure books. He likes coffee. Even his name is cute. Max. Max Medina. It flows. Lorelai Gilmore Med—now I'm getting ahead of myself.

This isn't right. I can't even talk to Rory about it. How can it be right if I can't talk to Rory about it? I talk to Rory about everything. Nothing about this situation is right. I'm not right. He's not right. How can either of us be considering this? How can both of us be considering this? This has to be against about forty regulations. He could get fired. Rory could get expelled. Well, no. Probably not. But Il Duce over there already has a soft spot for the both of us, I'm sure… Who knows what could happen?

My judgment is screaming at me, "No! Stop! What are you doing?" But my heart, seductive little monster, is pulling me in the opposite direction. "Lorelai," she says, "you know you want him. You can have him. Go get him." Do I go with my head or my heart? Mind over matter? No, that's not right. Logic or feelings? "Follow your heart" or "Make good decisions"? Which decision is the right decision? No, I know which decision is the right decision. But which decision should I make?

My track record for making decisions isn't great. But my decisions tend to work out for the best, ultimately. Obviously, Rory's conception wasn't my best decision. But Rory is the best thing that's ever happened to me. So, what does that mean? Should I make the wrong decision, hoping it'll all work out for the best eventually? Or should I be the mature, responsible adult that I've tried so hard to be since Rory's conception and forget about him?

But could I really forget about him? He's made an impression. If I don't go for it, I'll always wonder what would have happened if I had. I don't know if I can live with that, even knowing I made the responsible choice.

For the time being, I'm meeting him for coffee. That's harmless enough, right? We'll be able to discuss what to do, if anything, from there. And Lorelai Gilmore never says no to coffee.

I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't do anything. I should end this before it starts. The thing is, I like him. I really, really like him. He could be perfect for me, and my love life desperately needs a facelift. No matter how long I try to talk myself out of it, I feel like this could be right. We could work the awkward stuff out, right? Nobody at school needs to know. Well, Rory does, but I can figure that out.

Max Medina, meet Lorelai Gilmore. The girl who really wants to make this work. I think.


End file.
